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Reflections of a Moonchild
By: Mazoku
no Miko
Mazoku no Miko: ::blushies and steps out from the
shadows:: Kon'nichiwa. This is my first
(finished) Weiß ficcie, starring the one and only, disgustingly kawaii...
Omi: Me! =D ::poses with the Genki Darts o' Doom::
MnM: hai. ^^; In honour of Shira-chan's page, and her huuuuge Omi obsession
(can ya blame her??) I wrote this lovely little
piece of angst.
Omi: Another angsty one?! Doushite? Can't you just write something nice and
sappy for once?
Youji: Like one with me and Omittchi having wild passionate monkey sex?
Omi: yeah! …Wait! No! ::turns 16 shades of red::
MnM: ::giggles:: Daijoubu, Omi-chan, I'm working on nice one for you and Nagi-sama.
Nagi: <monotone> Oh joy.
MnM: Shush, you. I wrote that lovely one about you
too, remember? I can do another angsty one,
if you want.
Nagi: that's all you do anymore. You havent written anything sappy since...uhm...
Omi: One of her Gundam Wing fics?
Duo: She does it cause she loves me. ^^
MnM: You know I only hurt the ones I love... Like Duo, Nagi, Omi... I think
KenKen is next. >D
Ken: Kase is not my old lover! We were just friends!
MnM: Sure, Ken-chan... anything you say. ^^ ::ahem:: I think this silliness has
gone on quite enough... on with the fic!
**SPOILERS** Omi's real name, Omi's parentage (kinda) Most of volume 4, Oka's relationship with Omi, probably other things.
**WARNINGS** Angst! Slight yaoi-ish-ness. (if you don't know what that means, you probably shouldn't read this anyway) More angst! Suicidal thoughts. (suicide Seaside, anyone? >D) Did I mention angst? Lots of spoilers. Depressed Omi. Read at your own risk.
Another mission, another murder. Another reason to hate myself. Is that all I'm good for? Killing?
They call me 'Bombay.' That's not my real name. More people call me Tsukiono Omi. That isn't my real name, either. But its the name I've known most of my life. When I'm not Bombay, I'm just Omi. I think I like Omi better.
That's not saying much. Bombay is still Omi. Omi is still a killer.
It's like that guy from Schwarz said; I'm a sibling-killing murderer. I killed my own brothers. I had to, they were Takatoris. Our job is to kill the Takatoris.
I'm still surprised that Aya-kun didn't kill me. He should have.
Once upon a time Tsukiono Omi was known as Takatori Mamoru. Son of Fujimia Aya-kun's sworn enemy, Takatori Reiji. Meaning, I, too, should be Aya-kun's enemy.
But Aya-kun doesn't hate me. He said himself that I'm Omi, not Mamoru. So Aya-kun doesn't really hate me.
Its' ok. I hate myself enough for both of us. Hell, I hate myself enough for Youji-kun and Ken-kun, too. Sure, I look like any normal 17 year old. But how many kids have had my past? How many kids have themselves for what they are, what they live for, yet still have to wear a mask of perfect cheerfulness?
How many kids have to kill for a living?
That's what I do. Professional assassin. Assassin; that's just a nice name for murderer. That's all I am. I go to school and sell flowers in the day. By nite, I'm a killer. Nice life.
Sometimes I wish I didn't have to do this. I wish I could live a nice, normal life, like all 17 year olds. With a mom and a dad in a nice little house; maybe a little brother or sister.
I had a sister once. But she's gone now. Schwarz killed her. She died in my arms.
I liked her. A lot. Not in the way a brother loves his little sister, either. But we didn't know then. Didn't know until it was too late. She was already...in love? I suppose so. I don't think I wasn't in love with her. But I did have feelings for her. We didn't know until it was too late.
And Oka-san died in my arms. I miss her, but I think it might be for the better. It sounds cruel, but she would have been hurt eventually anyway. With a father like Takatori Reiji, how couldn't she be?
Takatori is my father, and look how I turned out.
Sweet, innocent Omi. Tsukiono-computer genius-Omi. I set them up, Aya-kun knocks them down. That's how it always was.
Then I killed my own brothers. I didn't realize until that horrid redhead told me. I'm nothing but a cold-blooded killer. I live to kill. Kill or be killed. And its not my time yet.
Sometimes I wish I had the courage to end it all. I even have a secret stash of darts, just for such an occasion. The tips are laced with poison. One, maybe two of those, no more Omi.
But I can't do it. I don't even have the courage to quit Weiß. I'm rather pathetic, aren't I? Even Aya-kun quit for a while, But not I. Not Omi, who holds the group together. Omi, who always has a smile and cheerful words. Omi, who is dying from the inside, out.
Sometimes I wonder about that boy in Schwarz. As far as I can tell, he's probably a few years younger than myself. And already a killer, too.
I think I feel sorry for him. Has his childhood been ripped away like mine was? How did he wind up as an assassin? I've been with Weiß for at least 2 years now; and I've been trained to be an assassin for as long as I can remember. Has he been in Schwarz for that long, too?
What did he do to deserve being an assassin? I know what I did. I wasn't good enough. My father didn't love me enough to pay my ransom fee. Was I such a bad child? I had it blocked from my memory, but I know that it was Shuichi-jisan--err, Persia--who rescued me from the kidnappers. Not my father.
Did that boy--I can never remember his name. Nao...Naoi? No...Naoe. That's it. Naoe Nagi. Did Nagi have parents that loved him? Was he some orphan on the streets? Or maybe even another one of Takatori's children.
Tsukiono Omi isn't my real name. Maybe Naoe Nagi isn't his, either. For all I know, he could be my younger brother. I must remember not to fall in love with him.
Not that I plan to do that. He's the enemy. And another guy.
I'm not against two guys being together. Ken-kun and Youji-kun have been together for the past 5 months. They try to hide it, buts it's kinda obvious. Even through Youji-kun's flirting with various women--and occasionally with me--I can see their relationship.
I guess I wouldn't mind being with Nagi. If he wasn't Schwarz. And I wasn't Weiß. Maybe, if things were different, I might try to see if things could happen between us.
But things aren't different. They are as they are, and there's nothing that's going to change that.
I don't deserve love, anyway. I let the only person to love me die. She was too young. Too innocent. It should have been me that got shot. Not Oka-san. She didn't deserve it.
I don't deserve anything else. No love for Omi. Just missions and murder for Bombay. I'm not even important when I'm Omi. Only Bombay really matters.
Bombay is a trained assassin. Omi is just a smart, yet confused, schoolboy.
Why do I have to be either? Why could I not have been born as someone else? Why can't I live a normal life?
Sometimes, late a nite, I pretend that I do. In my room, in my own world, where no one--not Weiß, not Schwarz, not any Takatori, not Bombay, not even Omi--exists. I just *am*. It's during those times that I can be myself. Rather, the person I always wanted to be, but never could.
Just a normal kid with a normal family. Usually with a lover, or at least a girlfriend. Sometimes a boyfriend. I'd be lying if I said I'd never thought of my fellow Weiß members in a more than platonic way. Or even certain members of Schwarz, for that matter. Namely one small, pale, dark-haired boy.
I have to admit, he is...pretty. And about as innocent as I am. Its not like I would be making him dirty. the boy is already as tainted as me. Not in the same ways, I'm sure. But still, I know that he's dirty, too.
But again, I don't even deserve him.
Right now I just...need sleep.